” “

Shit-damn that’s a lotta water!

“Imprinting”

The over-exuberant second grader eggs his friends on:

“Betcha can’t push me into the girl’s bathroom!!”

11 Years later, he was the weird guy in the dorm who drunkily admitted to everyone that he was into golden showers.

Intelligent Design - ID ??

Do people not realize that acronyms make everything sound absurd?

OMG! I was on AOL the other day, and I totally LOLed the other day when I saw an article say that ID totally goes hand in hand with Darwin’s Theory of NS. I guess it was NP for God to work the whole first 24/7 gettin’ all the science together, well except for Day 7 when he was like G2G and was totally MIA getting his 7th day Zs. The whole ID thing doesn’t even INCLUDE the whole Adam & Eve thing, that they were totally BFF before she 8 that apple and then they were BF and GF and they got kicked OUT and were total SOL.

WTF!!

WMDs and Santa Claus

There is an article in the San Francisco Chronicle today comparing Sheehan and Bridges, two mothers of dead Iraqi soldiers, and their feelings about the war. The following is an excerpt from that article:

Sheehan has become the new face of the peace movement, camping outside President Bush’s ranch in Crawford, Texas, and demanding to speak with him about the war and the loss of her son.

“My son believed in what he was doing,” Bridges said. “I would never go protest against what he believed in and died for.”

An eight-year-old boy might believe in Santa Claus because his teacher told him and several of his small friends that a big fat man who lives at the North Pole comes down the chimney and gives presents. If that same teacher assisted the boy and his friends in stowing away on a whaling vessel to the North Pole to look for Santa Claus causing them to die a cold death from hypothermia, their parents might still be upset that this teacher lied to the children and sent them on a perilous journey to end in certain death. In fact, it might even be important enough for them to take a trip to that teacher’s house, and wait angrily for her to come outside.

Coincidence?

It cannot possibly be a linguistic coincidence that heinous rhymes with anus. It is even more coincidental the similitaries between those words and a particularly cookie brand…that I can now never eat again.

Chicken Pox Party

Apparently the Chicken Pox vaccine has failed to protect 56% of people that were vaccinated in terms of lifelong protection, so now apparently all these people could have it later in life, when it is apparently much worse. Everyone should just have the Chicken Pox when they are a child. It should be required. In fact, they should have Chicken Pox Week. It could go like this: All children who have not had Chicken Pox go stand in a space with air quality similar to an airplane, with lots of recycled air, and let one infected monkey kid cough on everyone. It would be just like Outbreak, but without the dying. This kid can infect all children that haven’t had Chicken Pox with the disease, and everyone can just have a week off from school for recuperation.

The Night Light

Rise and shine with the Night Light, the first FDA approved glow-in-the-dark condom! The Night Light is non-toxic and will glow after a few minutes exposure to ordinary light.

A few minutes exposure to ordinary light? So you have to sit there ready to go with your dick under a lamp?

Once the lights are out, it seems like in the dark the penis would appear kind of like the Cheshire Cat. That creeps me out.

I imagine this does well with Star Wars geeks.

Do these people really need to be breeding?

“Fortune” cookie

THAT IS NOT A MOTHERFUCKIN’ FORTUNE!

I eat this food to find out about my FUTURE!

Dictionary.com - Fortune
1. Fate; destiny: told my fortune with tarot cards.
2. A foretelling of one’s destiny.

State of Entertainment

I give it 18 months before “Iraqis Gone Wild” is available from Fox Home Video.